Corpsman

I say Corpsman--He says Corpsman!

I say Idiot--He says Corpsman!

I say dumb as a stump--He says Corpsman!

I say identity crisis--He says Corpsman!

I say double DUH--He says Corpsman!

I say where is that hope and change?--He says Corpsman!

How Is That Hope And Change Working For You?

Overheard...

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, 'This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area'.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot can be heard saying to the pilot, 'So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?'

'Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner.... I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.'

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first.'

Blondes Are The Best!!!

Blondes Are The Best!!!

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
Pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it
In.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't
Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'<>
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000..00 for these implants..

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun.... He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++


A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos...... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied...... ....'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

+++++++++++++

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass a nd the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'

Role Model

THIS is PRETTY AMAZING ... HOW this works!

I was surprised WHO my role model was.




This is amazing.

No cheating!!!

This is a great Psychological Test and it is Extremely Accurate.

It's amazing what modern math can do these days!

FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL..

DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET, DO THE
SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR HERO.

It's CRAZY how accurate this is!

No peeking!

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2) MULTIPLY by 3 then

3) ADD 3

4) Then again, multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)

5) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

6) Add the digits together


Now ... Scroll down


With that number, see WHO your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein
2. Sandra Day O'Connor
3. Prince Charles
4. Pope John Paul
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Ronald Regan
8. Elvis Presley
9. Robert Dyke

10. John F Kennedy



I know, I know....I have that effect on a lot of people. One day, you too, can be just like me :-)

P.S. Stop picking different numbers!!!



I AM YOUR ROLE MODEL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!! Now click "FORWARD", put your name in No. 9, and send it on to others for a Good Laugh!!!

Google 411

Google 411 - Good One...NO, GREAT ONE!

Just leave it up to Google to come up with something like this!

Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone, or your home phone speed dial: 1-800-goog411 or 1-800-466-4411.

This is an awesome service from Google, and it's free -- great when you are on the road. Don't waste your money on information calls and don't waste your time manually dialing the number.

I am driving along in my car and I need to call the golf course and I don't know the number. I hit the speed dial for information that I have programmed (1-800-466-4411). The voice at the other end says, "Say the name of the business and the City & Province." I say, "Kingsville Golf Course, Kingsville , Ontario ”. He says, "Connecting" and Kingsville Golf Course answers the phone.

How great is that? his is nationwide, Canada & US, and it is absolutely free! Works on cell and landline phones, all you have to remember is 1-800-466-4411. Give it a try.

Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration.

http://www..google.com/goog411/

MY DADDY IS AN EXOTIC DANCER

MY DADDY IS AN EXOTIC DANCER

One day a fourth grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he finally replied, okay...my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.'

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No', the boy said, 'He actually works for the Democratic National Committee and helped get Barack Obama elected President last year, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class.