Alarming Beer Information !

This is alarming

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, April 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones
in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The
theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens)
and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1)
hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these
men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive..

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!

Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer

Bumper Sticker Sign

"You Lie".

Old Folks Job

I've often been asked, “'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?’ Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.”

Quantas Pilots Gripe Sheet Form

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget!

Double Ouch...

A Southern wife came home just in time
> to find her husband in bed
> with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of
> fury, and cutting
> firewood power, she dragged him by the willy down the
> stairs, out the
> back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.
>
> She put his hooha in a vice, then secured it tightly and
> removed the
> handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's
> saw. The banged up cheater was
> terrified, and hollered, 'Stop! Stop! You're not
> gonna cut it off with
> that rusty saw, are you?'
>
> The wife put the saw in her husband's hand and
> said...... 'Nope. I'm
> gonna set this old shed on fire. You do whatever you
> want.
>
>

When The Time Is Right